If our Lord ask for help would you turn him away?

With a court date just right around the corner and still our family has final agency fees to pay.  Thinking I might still have time to raise these funds our time has ran out.  Our Agency's Directors is trying with all her heart to plead for our family to keep our upcoming court date.  She is a very kind and loving woman and has always been fair and understanding.  Much of the decisions for final payments and payments for families now rely on the Board of Directors.  There are no exceptions for any families at this moment.  With our family being behind on agency fees we may be forced to have a delayed court hearing.  This we will find out this week.  But if we are able to submit additional funds to secure a court date possibly Board Members will allow our family to continue with a court date.  Once court has been completed we will  need to have any and all remaining funds paid before our family can travel to pick up our children.

This week we are in need of at least $6504 on our Family's Account.  All of these funds will be given directly to our Agency in hopes they will allow us to be issued a court date.  Remaining funds we will continue to raise till all agency funds are paid so we can travel to pick up our children.  Both children are ill and having lung issues at this moment. So trying to raise these funds we must act quickly.  We have a matter of days to bring in these funds.  And then once a court date is issued we will be able to save and raise the travel fees or our final pick up

As careful as we were in saving for this adoption we used our savings on our two girls Makayla and Samantha.  Both girls have been in and out of the hospital for treatments and Makayla now has over 30 brain tumors.  These tumors are increasing and we are not sure what may occur in the future to come.  Makayla has been so excited about Braska and Zack's adoption and now we may have to have some delays.  And if we have a court delay we may have to update paperwork.  Meanwhile Zack, even if ill will be separated from his sister Braska.  One of the main reasons we chose this sibling group both children have CF and the chances of a family adopting two children with CF is slim.  At age 4 children are moved out of Baby Houses and main streamed into larger orphanages with adults.  Little Zack with his medical needs probably will not survive the winter.  I know you do not know these two children like our family has but they deserve to live. And also deserve to not suffer or die with out a mother or father to hold them.  Children with CF have little chances of a normal life and life much of their little lives in pain.  If this were your child would you let them suffer?  I ask and prayed to our Lord on the decision to adopt these two children.  And the answers were WHY NOT.  And why not these two children. They are precious in not just appearance but as precious in their tiny souls that will be lost.

This Christmas will be celebrated not with gifts but much like when we prepared for Chrissie's Adoption. As a family we all decided to focused  on Zack's and Braska's Adoption.  So we decided no presents from one another and chip in what we had in one big pot. Today I had received a call from my precious niece Tab who decided to donated to the newest members Adoption Fund. Tab had just had surgery and out of work but yet thought of the kids knowing she had bills and children of her owe to purchase Christmas for. How precious family is.

If it were baby Jesus laying in a bed and need funds would you then give?  Would you save his life? Our children Braska and Zack deserve a chance a life, parents and a home.  I know you probably hear from other families that giving saves a child's life then you are not only saving a life but a soul. These two children our Lord have create need us, they need you, they need everyone.  Sometimes to save a child it takes the hearts of many.  So we need you heart to help us through this time.  I am a crier for I cry for my family.  And I cry for these two children.  I do not want them to perish knowing it is all because of money.  These two children like all children deserve  family.  As my husband Tim laid dying all he could say was to keep our family together. As hard as it was for a single mother, a very young widow and mother of two babies I fought.  I fought and struggled like most single moms.  This was not my chose to say good bye to my husband and watch him slowing die.  And prior to his death we buried our twins.  Yes I have suffered but yet I have been blessed a million times over.  I want these children to receive the same chance or blessings.  I want them to be held during the times they are ill and comforted.

When our Makayla was in the hospital all I could think of was if I could trade places with her.  Take away her pain she is suffering. and it is the same with these two children.  Through out our home it is filled with photos of these two little ones. And I want Makayla to be able to know and hold them like I was able to in September.  I thought about how she may never get to touch her little sister or brother and tell them about her dreams. Every child has a dream and want a future.  My daughter Makayla dream was completed when she was blessed into our family and has parents that would walk over hot coals. I can not tell you the mount of time in my life I have laid on a small bed near my children and as my husband worked so we could care for there needs.  It is not easy to adopt a special needs child and some special needs children are more fragile than others. I hate these darn BRAIN TUMORS but yet it has made me love this young lady even more. It makes me appreciate and blessed to have been able to mother her. Each day I pray she is able to become a woman.  I only wished she could have been able to mother. As a little girl she would hold her baby dolls and kiss them on the head. Her life has been from day to day in medical worries.

This week I tried not to go into the rooms we have been preparing for our children. Maybe afraid that I would not be able to see them both again.  Or that I let them down that we would return.  Yes in time they probably will forget us but I know inside they may remember the days we spent holding them both and loving them also. Everything inside their rooms came from another one of our children. Bears from my grandchildren, dresses from my girls, dresses and blankets I made with my hands.  And on days they hurt and in pain I kept sewing.  Both Gary and I are older parents but inside our bodies we are filled with love and have all so much to still give and offer additional children.  Most people are age are thinking retirement but we are thinking of the future of these children.  So we keep ourselves healthy and pray each day for our own health.  This last weekend Gary helped built the kids some wooden toys.  Through the eyes of a man I have known for over 50 years I watched as he carefully assemble these toys. As the paint was applied I watched his eyes light up for he loves these children as much as I do. As we chose the paint for the walls and I made the curtains to be hung I prepared for their home coming.  Like most mothers do when they carry their children in their bodies.

I could sit here and read scripture after scripture from our Bible. And carefully write each and every word down for someone to read.  Honestly anyone can write what they read or remember what they read.  But everything I say our Lord has enlighten in my heart.  And when I write I write my true feelings.  Some days filled in excitement but lately filled in tears and fear of not knowing what may occur.  Hard to understand when it is the life of two children that Board Members can decide whether they can wait or permit a family to continue their adoption,  So many families right now in their final stages of adoption who are lacking funds.  Being my last couple of years involved hospitals stay and doctor's visit it is hard to have friends or just ebing able to stop in raise the much needed funds.  I have never been one to ask for help and with each word I write I write in tears and the fear of losing my children.  I love these children and my heart now morns for them each day.  Hard for a mother to let go of her little one and know they ay have failed.  I understand how one other mother is feeling and her family is feeling with these delays.  More than losing money it is losing part of your heart, your child or children.  Why we weep we weep because our hearts have an empty spot that can not be filled till her children are safe and in her arms.  I still recall the smell of the children as I rubbed their tiny heads.  And on Zack's head it is covered in scars and hair missing in  places.  Why it is like this no one will say.  I wanted to grab this little boy and our little girl and run through these doors.  How could I say goodbye and tell them I will be back and not knowing now.  Oh my heart is buried in the midst o an ending pain.  A pain that only a mother feels when she says goodbye to her children. 

When I had my twins they were so small and I was so ill. I did not get to hold them in my arms only memories of the small movements that flutter in my womb.  And now remains fluttering in my heart.  People may say how can you love two children you have only held for a few days.  I held these children inmy heart before I knew the both of them and even before I held them I loved them.  I know our Lord had decided these two precious souls would be my little ones, our little ones, our precious children.  As I held the hands of my children's tiny hands I could feel their fingers holding tighter. Each day they would hold on ust  little more and more.  And on the last day having to let go my heart felt as if it skipped a beat and almost stopped.  I will never be the same and I am not the same.  I will fight for my children, I will find away to bring them home.  As I ask our Lord to bring hope in my heart and the funds in our account I beg and pray to all.
Please in your heart look at the photos of these children.  Like most children they love to be held and now knowing I may never hold them again it is hard.. Please keep our family in your prayers and please I ask you share our blog with others during this time or excitement and worry. God Bless.