In God's Timing

I started to write this post and then I had to stop and run out the door of our home.
So many days have passed and honestly I did not have the heart to post these words. 
Trying to hold back the tears as I typed I know this year everyone's lives around us is quickly changing. 

My sister Teresa's husband now in a coma and still  fighting to live.  Each day I watch as he lays and my sister cries in another hospital room. As I daily pray for him I know our Lord has other plans and I pray for my sister. The hardest part of about this is my sister is also ill and can not be there to hold her husband's hand.  She is so afraid he will die without her being able to say goodbye. Shortly he will join many of my love ones in Heaven.  I know Heaven as beautiful a place as it is I hate to say good bye.

In the midst of my sister and her husband's illness this last week my father also had a heart attack. Running from hospital to hospital and from room to room I dread walking through each door. With the holidays approaching it will be difficult for our family.  With our sweet Kitty leaving us it is especially hard on the children.  Trying to explain to them why we die and where our souls go when they leave this earth.  They understand there is a Heaven but yet this is new to each of them. As we lay our precious Kitty in the ground I explain to them how our Lord gave us this sweet Kitty and now it was time for her to be in Heaven.  Maybe our sweet Kitty's passing is away our Lord is preparing them for the days ahead. I explain to each of them that death is not a punishment nor is it a final ending when we lose someone or something we love.

Our precious Makayla is out of the hospital and back to school for just 3 hours per day.  Her brain tumors have now increased to over 30 and many of them are now pressing on her optic nerves.  She is slowly losing some vision and with our next visit to the Neurologist I pray that there is something they might can do.  But seeing her smiling and back to school I know she is happy at this moment.  Hard as a mother to just sit back and watch her tumors progress and the next step will be radiation.  Praying that these tumors do not develop into cancer and so far over the years we have been blessed. I can see my sweet child tiring and I think  back of everything and every day.  Some days I remember just praying that she could be able to walk, then dance and also talk like other little girls.  Crossing my fingers as the years would pass by and praying that this was all a dream.  Hard to shallow some days the words tumors and cancer.  Words no parents should ever have to say.  But today as I watch a child who did not walk or did not talk, dance across the floor.  Our Lord provides miracles and gives miracles.  We were told our sweet child would only be with our family till age 5, then age 8 and now she is 14 years old.  And in a few months she will be 15 years old.  She talks about high school and like most young girls a boyfriend.  I think about what would it be like when she would become a mother and knowing this may only be a dream for me.  When she was a young child she would rock her babies as I rocked her.  And when she was ill I held her close and rocked and rocked.  As self fish as I am I want to keep my child, I want to see her grow and I want her to see me old.  And her sit beside me as I rock on my porch on a Sunday evening.  Many days I can still smell the baby lotion I rubbed on her small feet and now she is wearing perfume. May how time has pass and pass so quickly.  I would say I want to turn back the clock so I can continue to hold her for another 12 years but I have been blessed to have been her mother.

There has not been a day since September we have not talked about Braska and Zack. Like with Makayla's illness they are also fragile children.  Knowing yes they need love and also need a home.  I want them to know Makayla and also Makayla to know them both.  The other day Makayla and Chrissie went through some of their things.  With money so tight t the moment much of this is going towards medical and the other to our adoption of the little ones.  This Christmas like with the Christmas we prepared for Chrissie to join our family we decided to just put the little bit of money we have towards this adoption. When we were adopting Chrissie I told all my grandchildren that our Lord had a very precious gift for each of them.  It is not a gift we can wrap in colorful paper, nor a gift delivered by Santa.  With the birth of Baby Jesus during his arrival our earth received the most precious gift that could be given his love.  And what better gift than to bring a new member to our family and this was our precious Chrissie.  Over 18 months have passed and now one again this Christmas our family is being blessed not with one but two children.  They will not only have parents to love them, but sisters, brothers, cousins, grandparents, a niece and 12 nephews.  Each day as they open their small eyes they will see a home filled with love and at night be tucked in a bed and kissed on their heads.

So many blessings we have been given in our family.  And even when one of our precious family members may depart and join our Lord we know one day we will once again be together.  Praying that the days ahead and the Thanksgiving Day we are about to share with our love ones is filled in Love.  May this Love be carried over from generation to generation.  Also may each of my children and grandchildren know how much I love them and that I am so bless to have been apart of each of their precious lives. I am blessed and I am loved by so many and I thank our Lord for these blessings.  For I can not say this enough how lucky I am to be a parent and a grandparent.

As this one night comes to an end it is cold outside but in this old house, our home it is filled with all so much love...............................................................................................